(Last Updated On: February 19, 2015)
We have the fear of boredom – maybe we might get bored or, even worse, make others get bored.
One instance: In a recent University of Virginia study, participants chose giving themselves electrical shots over having to sit with their thoughts for 15 minutes.
Users talked about what is the cause of boredom in people in a recent Quora thread. Listed below are the climax, so that you can figure out the bore in your life and stay away from becoming one yourself.
1. Boring people have unbalanced conversations
Instead of looking for a rhythm between listening and talking, people who are boring are on either conversational extreme. Quora user Jack Bennett named it as “asymmetry in the conversational ‘give and take’ – eg. all talking and no listening, or all listening and no talking.
2. Boring people can’t tell if people are engaged in the conversation
If you are emphatically boring, it is probable that you are missing the other person’s body language. User Garrick Saito argues this by saying that the cause of a person being boring is the “continual blathering and ignoring of signals and body language that say (maybe not loudly enough) ‘I am not interested in what you are saying, but I am nodding every few seconds only to be polite’” To stay away from this, learn how to listen to what people are communicating with their bodies.
3. Boring people can make people laugh
“Cognitive flexibility” is shown by humor. Cognitive flexibility is being able to analyze an event or an idea from a number of perspectives, and then, naturally, make light of it. This lacks in boring people. Will Wister admits, “I’m an easy sell. I mean come on let’s face it – it’s not that hard.”
4. Boring people always do the same thing
Use Andy Warwick complain about his friends who every weekend go to the pub, and then eventually get angry when he cannot make it out to join them – since he was reading books, going to museums, or hiking around hills. Warwick says, “For me what makes a person boring is living a sedentary life without variety. Diverse experiences improve one’s conversation for those weekends when you go down to the pub. You actually have something to talk about.
5. Boring people never say anything.
Somebody who is loud and insensitive to the social situation is referred to as a “boor”, however, a person who is overly cautious can be called a boring person. Alexa Knowles puts it as: “Where the loud bore believes they are the most interesting person there is, the quiet bore believes it’s best to never say anything because who would want to listen to them? These are the ones that reply to every inquiry with some variant of ‘I dunno, sort of, I guess.”
6. Boring people don’t have an opinion
Shrindhi Sondur said, “Someone who says Hitler was a noble soul and believes it vehemently is not a boring person. Maybe a nutcase, but not boring.” So how do you develop an opinion? Legendary investigator Charlie Munger says it is by knowing both sides of the story.
7. Boring people don’t know how to tell a good story
Dave Cheng says, “To interest someone and to truly engage others, you have to be able to tell a story. And you have to care about that story. You also have to solicit stories out of others. And you have to care about those stories.”
This is similar to Kurt Vonnegut’s pointers on writing. The “Slaugtherhouse Five” once advised: “Find a subject you care about and which in your heart feel others should care about. It is this genuine caring not your games with language, which will be the most compelling and seductive element in your style.”
8. Boring people can’t see things from other people’s perspectives
Drew Austin says, “Boring people are usually who can’t (or won’t) understand how thge conversation is experienced from the other person’s perspective. The ability to place oneself in another person’s shoes makes someone interesting to talk to.” Emotional intelligence is key to conversationality if you look at it this way.
9. Boring people don’t have their own opinions
You are not going to have much to add to the conversation if you have not thought critically about what it is you think. Maranda Marvin says, “People that do not see past what they were taught to believe are the boring ones. These people can only offer their very localized view on a variety of topics.”
10. Boring people don’t have anything new to add
It is seen from research into our brains that we are basically hard-wired to seek novelty. This is a need that has been rattling for about 800,000 years around evolution. The conversational takeaway: The listener would not be stimulated if you do not provide anything new. Stan Hayward says, “To me a boring person is someone from whom I cannot learn anything new. Thus, it takes time for me to decide someone is really a boring person, though some people give out cues pretty early in a relationship.”
11. Boring people don’t include anybody in the conversation
Some is boring because of “the inability to include the others with interest into the conversation,” Marie Holland says, “which I feel usually happens when the ‘boring’ person just wants their point to be told with too much detail that isn’t relevant.” This is similar to the empathy thing: You are boring if you can’t figure out that someone in the circle of the conversation is feeling left out.