(Last Updated On: May 8, 2018)
1.Diet Day #1 – I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
2. My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
3. Every time someone calls me fat I get so depress I cut myself… a piece of cake.
4. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
5. Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way.
6. Sometimes I go into the fitting room with jeans three sizes too big so I can feel what it’s like to succeed at a diet.
7. Missionary Impossible: When 2 fat people try to have sex.
8. Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!
9. She took her pants to the dry cleaners and the lady said, “we don’t do curtains.”
10. Are you in some kind of fitness protection program?
11. Your mama so fat, when you kill her you got a 5 kill streak.
12. Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
13. Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
14. Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you’ve gotten.
15. “I see your grades are struggling…” said my mum. So I said, “Like that button holding your trousers together…”
16. She is so fat… she laid on the beach and people tried to push her back into the ocean.
17. Fat: Energy gone to waist.
18. You know you’re getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.