19 Funny Best Man Wedding Toast (Speech) Ideas You Can Try Out
As part of the normal tradition in the US, the best man of the groom usually gives a speech at the reception. This may come as a huge challenge to some, especially those who don’t have much experience in public speaking. Many would advise you to start with something funny after making your introductory remarks but don’t feel the pressure to do so.
However, if you are hell-bent on trying to make the crowd laugh with your opening, here are a couple of ideas you can try out:
1. Opening line: “FORNICATION. (long pause) …For-ni-…Forn-uh…(clear annunciation) For an occasion, such as this, I like to start with a joke.”
2. “I felt somewhat of an obligation to be <groom>’s best man. You see, he asked his smartest friend to do it, and he said no. Then he asked his best-looking friend to do it, and he also said no. Then he asked me to do it and, well, I just couldn’t say no 3 times.”
3. “Mary, hold out your hand. Bob place your hand on hers. I just want you to know Bob, this is the last time you will ever have the upper hand.”
4. When you get up to do a best man speech and make everyone stand to make a quick toast “To some really important people whom I’m sure you will all meet throughout the evening. Without them, none of this would be possible” Then you toast the bar tenders. The place might go crazy and set a great tone for the rest of the speech.
5. For those who are twins: “I’m not the groom but I do appreciate at the least 4 people so far who have congratulated me. also, if you gave me an envelope, I’m keeping it”
6. Inhale from a helium balloon before starting out your speech
7. “I love weddings. The brides always look so beautiful. Makes you wonder where all the ugly wives come from.”
8. “I’m a man of few words…” then walk away
9. “I’d like to offer a toast to the bride and groom.” Then whip a piece of toast out of your breast pocket, hold it in their direction, and say you want them to have this.
10. “Charming, brilliant, hard-worker, and always considerate of others…. but enough about myself… <brother> is here too.”
11. “To the owner of a blue Honda, license plate 4YG 87X, your car is being towed.” Replace make, model, plate with the actual car of someone in the wedding party preferably the bride’s car
12. “Ladies and gents, you will be pleased to know I am the final obstacle that lays between this moment, and the time that the bar opens”
13. “I was told that the best way to start off a speech is with a joke, but [groom] tells me that I’m not funny, so I’m not even going to try…” crickets “Damn, I guess he’s right.”
14. “Standing here looking at everyone, some people have traveled here from all over the world, I have to say it’s amazing how far some people will go for a free meal.”
15. “So, here I stand representing the category for best man, a term unjustly appointed to me and not really deserved, and though it’s a great honor, I’m not really the best man… just a good guy. The best man here today is groom…..applause…….. I’m joking it’s me really.”
16. “Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been here free of charge, and I hope I was worth every penny… I can see some of you very eager to drink the champagne, and I have only a minute left which normally I’d reserve for a rapturous applause for myself, but today I want you to raise your glasses up to the luckiest guy in the world… and the girl he tricked into maryying him…. do your toast now”
17. “Let me start by saying that I’m not very good at this sort of thing, so please don’t judge my performance too harshly…. that’s just a flavor of the advice I‘ve given to the groom about how to handle the wedding-night nerves.”
18. “The groom is known to be handsome, gracious, strong and remar….remarkca… shit…” then turn to the groom and say “sorry buddy I can’t read your handwriting”
19. “When researching what makes a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out to me: the toast should not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night” [wait for laughter to subside] “To the bride and groom!”